


The Mall Is No Place For Demons

by Snuf



Category: The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: AU, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Chaos, Demons, Funny, Gen, Just demons in a mall chilling, Mall Shopping, Nobody is Dead, Princes Of Hell, Shopping, chaotic - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:29:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27841522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snuf/pseuds/Snuf
Summary: Sammael's newest plan to destroy the shadowhunters is to use the element of disguise, and what better place to work on blending in and finding a disguise than the mall? (This may have been just for Sammael's benefit because he wanted to see what a mall looked like, but everyone's too stupid to recognize that.) Will the mall be left in one piece? Or will it be up in flames at the hands of the POH? (Princes Of Hell)This is an AU where everyone's alive, and Belial can walk among men, so that's how he's here at the mall lmao.
Relationships: Sammael/Lilith
Kudos: 3





	The Mall Is No Place For Demons

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! I'm just writing this for fun so I hope you enjoy! :) Sorry if it's not all completely canon, I'm just going off the rails here.

“Okay… so here’s what we’re going to do. We need to fit in,” Sammael said, standing at the end of the table overlooking the other Princes Of Hell.

“Fit in? Since when were you one for fitting in? Your outdated hat definitely needs to get lost if this is your plan,” Azazel said, leaning back in his chair, eyes shut as if he couldn’t care less.

Sammael snorted in response to that, shaking his head and lowering his hat more over his eyes. “It’s not outdated. I have no idea what you’re talking about,” He muttered back before getting back on track. “Anyway. What I was going to say before Azazel rudely interrupted, was we are going to try to blend into the mundane society to try to follow shadowhunters and get information out of them if we can-”

Half of the group exchanged uneasy glances while the rest were half asleep. “I think we can fit in perfectly with the hopeless little mundanes. I bought a pretzel from them once and they didn’t even think I was weird,” Asmodeus said proudly. “I got that pretzel for my so-”

“Yes we know… your son,” Belial interrupted, eyes shut and head on the table.“But won’t the Shadowhunters know who we are, even if we try to blend in? Also why would we need to? We are Princes Of Hell. We could crush them like bugs if we wanted. This all just seems like too much work. We would need a whole disguise and more, well you guys would anyway, I’m practically the master of disguise. I could become anything,” Belial bragged, head still on the table.

“I wish you would become an ant so I could crush you,” Azazel mumbled, which got a cold stare from Belial who looked up from the table.

“Okay, kids, enough,” Sammael said, stopping the potential fight. “I’m doing this so we don’t grab attention, Belial. You know how the Shadowhunters still like to cause issues for us. We will be going to this neat place called a mall, -it looks very fun-. We will get disguises and also see what it’s like to be a proper mundane and fit in. If we all just follow my instructions, then the shadowhunters won’t even know what the hell hit them,” He said happily, giving them a thumbs up which they returned with a nod or a snort of disgust.

“You really think that Belphagor will take off that ugly cow head?” Belial said as he looked over at Belphegor for the first time in the whole meeting.

“It’s not a cow, it’s a ram,” Belphagor snapped back, standing up, the dark eyes of the ram skull staring right at Belial, who just laughed.

“Okay, yeah sure, a goat, whatever. Are you going to take it off when we go to this mall?”

“Absolutely not,” He said, slamming his staff on the floor to add dramatic effect. “I will not remove something so sacred to me.”

“You know you can just go kill a goat and you have yourself a skull right? You aren’t the only one with a goat skull,” Belial said, just staring at Belphegor, a smug smile on his face.

“It’s a ram!”

“Okay, okay, shut up you two,” Sammael interrupted, “You don’t have to go, Belphegor, but know you won’t be able to join in stalking the shadowhunters, but then again you kind of suck at stalking.”

“What did you say!?” Belphegor roared, raising his staff and pointing it at Sammael.

“I said you’re beautiful. Now… gather your things, and let’s go to the mall.”

\-----

The mall was fairly busy on the day the Princes Of Hell arrived. Sammael hated how his rat's nest of hair had to show now that he didn’t have his hat, but he followed Azazel’s advice and didn’t wear it, even if he personally thought it wasn’t outdated. “Okay, children,” Sammael said, stopping the group that followed behind him like ducklings. “I made groups of two for you all. The person you’re with will be your buddy for the time in the mall-”   
  


“Shit, hold up. You’re using the buddy system on us? We aren’t kids, Sam,” Belial said as he eyed the pretzel cart with interest.

“Well even if you aren’t children, you all have the maturity of one, so just shut up and listen for your buddy-”

Sammael was yet again cut off by Belial. “Don’t… call it that. I don’t have buddies. I don’t even have friends.”

“Okay, emo bitch,” Sammael said before he pulled out his list and started to read it off. “I’ll be with Lilith, Asmodeus is with Mammon, and Belial is with Azazel, and you’ll be joined by Leviathan- wait… where is he?” The group looked around to find no Leviathan anywhere. Sammael sighed and shrugged. “Well… that could be a problem… no matter, if you find him then just drag him along with your group. Hopefully he won’t kill anyone in the process. Now… everyone go have fun and don’t stray away from your buddy.”

“Fun my ass,” Belial mumbled, walking to the pretzel cart, leaving his “buddy,” Azazel, behind who caught up to him and scolded him for leaving him already.

“Where to first?” Asmodeus asked Mammon, looking around at all the stores.

“Of course the one with the finest suits and the most money, fool,” Mammon scoffed, walking off in a random direction, not even knowing where he was heading.

Sammael sighed and watched them all break off. He was joined by Lilith at his side, grabbing hold of his hand, which at least gave him some comfort. “Hopefully they don’t blow up the mall,” He muttered to her, staring off and watching Mammon and Asmodeus walk into the crowd.

“Don’t worry, they won’t, but if they do, we can join in the fun,” She said to him, planting a kiss on his cheek and tugging him in the opposite direction.

Sammael smiled and followed her, keeping a hold of her hand. “I wouldn’t mind joining in, but only if they do something. Our objective is to fit in, not stand out.” Even as he walked he couldn’t help but feel unease that something could go horribly wrong.


End file.
